It’s not satire

 (Trigger warning)

 

The subject of jokes about rape was first bought to my immediate attention last autumn when a new acquaintance, also new to feminism, told me of a campaign she had some involvement in that was asking comedy clubs to ban rape jokes http://rapeisnojoke.com/

I had mixed feelings at the time. I've been a live comedy fan for many years and have laughed at and been entertained by some very rude and risky material in the past. I have never been a fan of censorship and feel that satirical comedy about issues, such as terrorism for example (think “Four Lions”), can be a good way to draw attention to how ludicrous something is.

 

I forgot all about the conversation until about one month later when I was, as usual pottering around my lounge of an early evening doing umpteen jobs as my son sat scrolling his Facebook newsfeed. Mid washing folding he alerted me to a picture "joke" from a facebook site he had followed or "liked" called Tony Stark https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Tony-Stark/165357510187553?fref=ts

This is the picture/joke in question -

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'll pause here and let you take that in for a moment.........

 

Because that's what I did. After being initally totally taken aback and verbalising to my son  how awful I thought this was I did precisely nothing except think about it.  

I got on with making dinner, I fed the family, I cleaned up and for about 48 hours I thought about it a hell of a lot. I later looked for it again but couldn't find it (I like to hope it was deleted) I did however find this one on the same page –

Both pictures had been commented on - "LOL", ""This is joke", "Hey *****, you slut this could be you" - comments along those lines. They had also been shared numerous times.

So what did I do? Honestly? Nothing, for another 24 hours by which time I could no longer find either picture on any newsfeeds.

I didn't stop reflecting on them though. I couldn’t get them out of my head. I'd like to say I haven’t had a sheltered life, I have seen abusive and offensive things many times in the past, (I have been a nurse for 20 years for goodness sake) and was used to shruggling it off but there was something about my response to this that was different.

I couldn't place it at first, then I read an article by Laura Bates on Rape Culture and it suddenly fell into place. http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/sites-like-uni-lad-only-act-to-support-our-everyday-rape-culture-8360109.html

These are not innocent jokes or even satirical jokes, they are not harmless banter or simply bad taste, they are dangerous. They add to the creation of an environment where "victims are silenced and perpetrators encouraged to see crimes as merely ‘banter’ - just part of ‘being a lad’"

There have been many more rape jokes since these first two and although the nature of the jokes alters in subtle ways there are common themes.

 

Firstly the picture itself –

 

It often shows a young woman or girl in a vulnerable position, sometimes quite exposed and often passed out cold. The first concern then in the mind of those seeing this (with any conscious at all) has to be - what was going on here? Is this person ok? What happened, why were they photographed and by whom?

Sometimes however the photograph itself is innocent or, as in this case, an initial joke that the woman in it was clearly in on –

The next issue in either case is then the words or "Joke".

"RAPE, expect a bit of it"

"BUNNY RAPE, look what happens when you change in front of him"

"Real men don't rape, I'm no man baby"

"EXTREME RAPE, the woman in the picture is going to get it. Very hard"

"ROOFIES, No response doesn't necessarily mean no"

Listen to the content here. I mean really take it in.

Women - expect a bit of rape, I am no man and therefore can rape you, Extreme rape, somebody is going to get it hard, no response doesn't mean no ...and then remind yourself that these have been shared umpteen times. Passed around the internet.

There are comments, some thankfully pointing out that this is not funny or quoting rape statistics but many others adding to the horror with "I'd rape that" or "That bitch is gonna be dead after all those dicks". In the space of  few shared words and pictures we go from the world I had thought I lived in where rape was a hateful, violent, abhorent crime against a person that ruined lives, to a world where it is questionable whether it is a crime at all. Where it is an amusing anecdote about a passed out woman who might be assualted. Where the vaginal pentration of a "roofied" or drunk young woman is acceptable as she is unable to verbalise a "No". Where women may expect a bit of rape if they are going to have any sense of humour about their sexuality or if they dance provocatively in a room containing men.

 

I have been told I must have no sense of humour or that I am missing the point of the joke in question. I have been told that my 15 year old son only finds these offensive because his mother is so uptight. I have been blocked by Tony Stark for repteatedly asking him to remove these images every time puts them out and I have been told by facebook that they do no contain violent images or hate speech and that they will not take any action.

To those people I will say this.

Have you seen the statistics about the number of women who experience rape and sexual assault in their lifetime and how few result in a conviction or even see a day in court?

Have you read about, heard about or noticed the lack of common respect for women, who are abused and harassed on the street or in the workplace?

Have you considered how, on the background of this reality women are supposed to respond when they see these jokes? On seeing men discuss the crime of rape in such a lighthearted way, in seeing the clear line of consent and a women’s ownership of her body blurred, in seeing you're eagerness to join in and "Rape that".

Our fear that we will be raped, that we are simply waiting for the fateful day, increases. We think you might be a potential rapist, we worry that some men may not understand that this is supposed to be a joke or banter and may think that penetrating the next passed out woman they encounter is acceptable. That some may consider a woman who dances or dresses provactively to be asking for "date rape in 4..3..2...1." or that roofying a drink is funny?

I like to think you are not aware of this or how much women fear rape, every time they walk down a street and a car pulls up or a man leers from a doorway in a quiet area of town or we take a taxi alone or we run down a country path or we guard our drink and closely watch the barman lest he slip in a pill. All the time, everywhere we go and for our daughers too.

I like to think that you don’t know but maybe even subconciously, you see it as a useful way to keep women in their place? Our heads down, quiet, covered and indoors.

I worry that  you  know how hard it is for a woman to report a rape for fear she will be blamed or not taken seriously. I like to think that you haven't considered how making rape a joke might make reporting even more difficult or how it may feel to somebody who has been a victim to see these images.

I like to think that but every time I see another and I read the comments and see the “Shares” I doubt it more.

There is one thing I will be doing, that we can all do which relates to these awful jokes and the sites that share them and rallys against rape culture in general and that is to show our support and get involved in One Billion Rising http://onebillionrising.org/ . This fantastic worldwide campaign gives everyone the opportunity to show their solidartity with the one in three women that are raped and assaulted in the world and against those who carry out and belittle these awful crimes. so, on the 14th Feb, Join me! Find your nearest event and sing, dance, generally make a noise and Rise!